MAINLINE

I am the fractional crystals, growing around 

the winds of dirty lingerie. 

I know you know

this. 

This is the blackened eel, wrapping her 

scales around the dirty sea

that was once clean,

it was that thing, 

that met the river 

that lived tremendously

between these memories, 

like warmed by the sun

mountain ranges, 

like licked by the rain

green golden gardens- before, 

we were gutted, 

like that rotten fish. 

do you dream, still, 

of the physics of my breasts, 

the fundamentals of my breath, 

the torments of our breadth? 

This is, 

mainlining agony.

You gave me pain,
the way pain is the present. 

Where Were You When I Loved You?

I asked for a nurse, 

as I was bleeding out 

into the universe. 

All the magic had left the world, 

and there you stood. 

We were outside and 

you asked to see my eyes. 

It had been a decade, 

give or take. 

You said you were leaving in December, 

somewhere south to find your mother. 

Where were you when I loved you? 

Maybe I didn't love you more than you loved me, 

Im just blessed with the catastophy, 

of a better memory. 

I hope you see me, disappearing into the scenery 

of horses and summary. 

The Way It Is, Is the Way It Should Be

One hand waves over the years; levitating in suspension, 

like a magician setting up the prestige-

the other hand cups my brow like a visor, 

preemptive, 

    the way Im always outrunning this disease. 

I know you regret it, the way you left, 

but these appraisals are checking the windows, 

only after the theft.  

Clear Waters

I am the anchor, 

that brings down the light of the day.

I am the savior, 

who awaits congratulatory pay. 

I am the victim, 

happily forcing the hand into blame. 

I am all of this, 

with out report, 

because we hide the wells of ourselves, 

because we contort, 

because we can not, will not

control the beast that is our 

unmanageable -

ungovernable -

untamable -

and most importantly-

unloveable love.

The water is clear, 

I see right through.

I’m only alive, 

when Im drowning in you. 

I Knocked So Loud

I knocked so loud,
it threw our backs out.

It seemed like years before you answered the door, 

Carrying replies like butter knives; 

Dull but nevertheless, unkind.

Come in, you eventually said. 

I stood outside in the cold.

You know me, I need more than one

polite invite. 

Come into me, you said,
Im ready to receive.  

Come into the room

where the piano goes untouched-

Showing me your new paintings,
 I didn't say much, but I meant, “WOW”

I want to be her this afternoon; 

Nude and owned by you.

You know me, I need to be drawn

out. 

Do not keep me inside for too long, 

I will walk away with the longest legs, 

they won’t even touch the ground of your shade. 

You will have to turn inside out, 

You will have to force me down, 

You will have to shoot me up like an arrow,
  outside of yourself.